Sunday, June 19, 2005

Chasing Butterflies...continued

Everything went fine with my family as I grew up. I thought we would be a happy family forever not long until my father was diagnosed with Tonsilar Cancer last November 2003. Aghast at the result of his biopsy, I though it was the end of the world for me. I thought I'm going to die....I really felt sad. I even asked God why my dad. He's been a very good and loving father and now this? What will happen to him, to me, my mom and my sis. I was really depressed. Day and night the tears kept running down from my did not stop. He had undergone Linear Accelerator or what they simply call "radiation" and chemotherapy.
I believe in the power of prayers, most of our prayers before were answered that is why I know He will hear our prayers specially now. I kept on praying with all my heart. I asked God to help me understand why is this happening? I asked for his loving hand to touch each and everyone from my family to help us cope with this malady. Then, one day, before I went to sleep, I felt him with me, giving comfort and answers to my questions. I then realized that everything has a purpose, even this, I know that he will not let bad things happen..these are just trials and he will not give us any ordeal that we cannot handle. I felt that as long as I have him, everything will be alright. I even felt much closer to our creator.
As for my dad, the CA did not change his love for the Lord Almighty. He remained the same daddy we loved. It's very painful to see someone you deeply love to suffer from the damaging effects of radiation and chemotherapy - vomiting, nausea, loss of appetite since the salivary glands are burned, the tissues and muscles near the affected area gets burned ( you can even see it on his skin, it's so obvious that it was burned) even his voice was affected, there are even times when there is no voice coming out of his mouth....however, these are the only procedure that can help him. He cannot undergo surgery since it is very dangerous because of the nerve near the area, its too much risky. The treatment ended February 2004. It went well, the tumor was already cleared, and no cancer cells left. But he still needs to continue his regular check up once a month.
Then September 2004 they spotted it again. From his previous MRI and CT Scan they were already gone....and now its back. Again, same procedures were done, the treatment lasted 3 months and again cleared. This time after the treatment he goes to Manila every week for a regular check up.
His CA is a recurrent one, after a couple of months, it's back again. This time the CA is a bit more aggressive...he continuously suffers from headache and no medicine can help him. May 8, 2005 he finally decided to go to St. Luke's. We have new doctors and new suggested type of treatment. He stayed in the hospital from May 8 to May 29, almost one month. He even had surgery since they need to do gastronomy. My dad can eat through his mouth but, he has no appetite, that is why the doctors decided that they will need to put a tube in his stomach for feeding and it will serve as a support for his food intake. Until now he still have it. Maybe they will just remove it if my dad is really okay and if he can eat in larger quantity. He still undergo chemotherapy and the other one is IMRT ( the difference between IMRT and linear accelerator is with IMRT it only focuses on a specific area, while the linear is more general that is why even the normal tissues are getting damaged). I know this time the treatment will take longer but I am thankful for these doctors, they are very vigilant unlike the previous ones. And for one month we can see the great improvement with the treatment.
I'm still thankful each and every day. I know that God is making a way to help my daddy get better. I know it will take time but we are patient. Just like the headaches he used to have. Before even if he takes Morphine, the pain does not stop, it just lessens the pain. But now, the headaches are gone and no morphine :) I know that in times of trouble we are not alone, we're not walking alone instead he is carrying us. The doctors and people who continues to give support and pray for my daddy are God's instrument in helping my family cope with this challenge.
As long as I have HIM in my heart, my Mommy and Bhey, along with my wonderful friends ( you know who you are ), I know that this will not stopme from looking for a brighter day...a day of chasing butterflies...
During our lives we're faced with so many elements as well, we experience so many setbacks, and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure, head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and have a little hope. The Tour isn't just a bike race, it tests you mentally, physically, and even morally. --Lance Armstrong
***This is my version: The Tour isn't just a bike race, it tests you mentally, physically, morally, and Spiritually.Written by mhicollyn Blog about this entry

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Chasing Butterflies

If I will be given the chance to go back in time, I would preferably choose when I was a lil kid. Those were the days when all you can think of is to play all day , free of worries, happy endings and dream.....the days when I was Chasing Butterflies.
I grew up just like any other normal child. Go to school, learn and meet new friends. I have always considered myself lucky...I felt loved, protected, taken cared of and the most important of all being introduced to God. I felt like a diamond, that is how precious I am for my parents.
As I reach my high school years, my dad became my personal driver, yes that is right, hehehe. Even if he is very busy with the with his work, he always have time for me and my sister, he would drop us off to school and fetch us everyday. Even when I was in my college years, both of them ( with my mom) would wait till 9:30 in the evening just to pick me up from school. On the other hand, while my mom helps with the business, she still manages to be a very good mother. She would prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even if we have housemaid, she would be the one to prepare things for us. She always wants to be the one to do it. She is my bestfriend, she've seen the best and worst in me but still very considerate and understanding. I've got a wonderful parents that I am very thankful for. :)
Though, I was treated like a princess, I wasn't raised as a spoiled a very young age, they taught me the value of hardwork, money and be content with what we have. At the age of 6 we were already trained to do house chores, we have our own duties and responsibilities, if my memory serves me well, I do remember that we used to have a chart on what house chores to do. After completing the so called assignments, we can then enjoy TV and play time. It's kinda wierd though, but me and my sister actually enjoyed it we kinda thought of it as a contest. :) After finishing one chore, we would check our chart and compare who completed it first. It was inculcated in our mind that if we want something, we have to earn it.
Everything was well with my family, if I were to define a perfect family then this is it. I know most of you think that there is no such thing as a perfect family but for me, it is just a matter of perspective. Its like what is perfect for me is not perfect for you. Let me give you one good example, I saw a pair of earings and for me it's beautiful, but when it is your turn to check it out, you find it plain and ordinary...meaning what is beautiful for me may not be the same for the other person.
Oh how I wish to go back to those days.....
***to be continued***
Written by mhicollyn Blog about this entry

This entry has 2 comments: (Add your own)
#2 Comment from mhimitchee 7/9/05 6:40 PM Permalink
I am glad to hear that you have wonderful parents and that you were brought up nicely. :-) As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I would agree with you that one can really claim that there is such a thing as a perfect family. I believe that life is just a matter of looking at things from the brighter side, no matter how seemingly hopeless a situation is. GOD bless.
#1 Comment from mhiarc 6/12/05 10:18 AM Permalink
Nice sharing Collyn.. I enjoyed reading it.. hope you can get to post the continuation. :) No Pressure.. mwehehehe

Don't fear change, embrace it.

This is an old one, but I will post it again. :)

Don't fear change, embrace it. Nothing endures but change.
Changes comes to everyone's life...but the question is: "How do we embrace it?" For some people it is easier to get through difficult situation by accepting that life is not fair. But is that really true? I don't really know how to respond to that. I don't know if I should say, "Yes, it is unfair" or "No, it isn't" or " Things are just the way what they are." But one thing I do know. It is true that the rich and poor do experience the same ups and downs of life: birth, death, sickness, marriage, divorce, financial success, low/loss of income, etc. I guess what really matters is on how we react to this transitions. If we react negatively, it will not do any good to us. We take it negative because of one reason...FEAR. That is fear of breaking away from our "Comfort Zone." I have to admit it, I used to be one of those people, I used to ask myself with questions like what will happen to me and to my loved ones. I am so "used to" the life I had that I do not want anything to change. But it did made me realize that Changes are nothing to fear. In fact, they are doors opening to new growth, new experiences and new opportunities.Life has movement. It is a good thing to accept that tomorrow our life may not be like it is today. We just need to focus. The help we need is in our own hands, it is right in front of us. And of course, God guidance. The thing we have to remember is, when one door closes another opens.
Collyn C.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.

Sunday, June 5, 2005

My very first entry - Arc says it's LQ

There are a lot of things that I want to write about...well..that was the time when I don't have a journal, but now that I have one it seems like I'm having what they call "writer's block". Okay, okay, this is not my first blog, this is the 3rd one actually. I have one with bravenet but I do not update it, it's actually empty..hahaha. While the second one is from friendster and I think I have two entries..yeah you got it right...TWO! We'll I've been a bit busy lately that is why I dont have much time to update it. But I promise, I'll try my best to keep you updated about my life, my family, my friends and some wierdos around me. :)
By the way...look at this pic ..... to my friends, does she remind you of someone? I think her initial is A.S. lol!!! fish

I guess that's it for today. Hugs to my frendly frends. :)
#6 Comment from mhijobeth 7/4/05 3:04 PM Permalink
collyn gurl, thanks alot for giving me the opporunity to read your "kikay " journal. well, ive read the entry for Jen and I find it very sweet..well, i know how it feels if someone leaves specially if the person is so dear to you... =(before, i see your barkada as "hard to reach" type. but when the shift started, i was given the chance to be with you and know you more (all of you!) suddenly, i realized that my impression was wrong and you are all fun and cool to be with...thanks for accepting me as your new friend and i am glad to be part of your world! to jen: we will be missing you girl and keep in touch always mwah!
#5 Comment from mhirochelle 6/10/05 2:13 AM Permalink
Hi! Thanks for sharing this journal, Collyn. I njoyed reading it.. i miss d "incredible folks!"
#4 Comment from mhimaryann 6/5/05 4:05 PM Permalink
correction! MSTD led by Arc wahahahaha!
#3 Comment from mhinhey 6/5/05 3:58 PM Permalink
Yes, you are correct Arc...or it will be better to simply use MSTD next time...hehehehe
#2 Comment from mhiarc 6/5/05 3:53 PM Permalink
jebi- girl you don't have to complete my name this is a public display of complete name. Next time you just say Arceli Sam okay. Thanks.
#1 Comment from mhijobeth 6/5/05 3:26 PM Permalink
lols....i got scared...who is A.S.? is it arceli samson? lols...joke joke

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