Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My Loss

Hi! I missed you guys :) I've been busy and I know that most of you know what have just happened. My daddy passed away and joined our good Lord Almighty last November 25, 2005. For those who didn't know what happened, I'll give you the details.November 12 (Saturday). My daddy's mouth is starting to bleed, when he spits, his saliva includes blood. We were alarmed so we tried to call his doctor for check up. Unfortunately his doctor is in Paris and she will only be back Monday, so we have to wait till Monday to see her.November 13 (Monday). Daddy went to Manila with Sheela, my sister. His Oncologist was even surprised when she saw my daddy. She said he looks better and he gained weight..well, that is true...everyday he have is exercise. After his second feeding around 9 am, he stays in the garden with me and my sister and we usually walk with him. After 2 rounds around the house, he takes his seat and rest for a while, then after 10 to 15 minutes, he'll walk again. He does this everyday. Then every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, me and my sister will take him to Mount Carmel for his physiotherapy. He could even walk up the stairs, that is why we were confident that he is strong but of course he have to do it slowly. While my mom, she prepares the food for my dad every morning, she have a list of menu or diet plan for daddy. His Oncologist was happy of the result. However, she is uncertain with the wound around the right side of his neck. It has an open wound and if he moves that requires a lot of force, it would usually bleed. She saw this and told my sister to talk to Dr. Roasa, his EENT. So they left St. Luke's then headed to UST to see the other doctor. The result was disheartening. He said that the neck area was fine, however the reason why he bleeds is that the cancer cells are already eating up his blood vessels. We are able to control the cancer cells in the neck area that is why it spread to his blood vessels. And he said that daddy may die either of bleeding or difficulty breathing. Daddy didn't know this. We do not want him to know, but I know deep inside he knows it. It was really hard to accept it but what? We couldn't do anything but to continue to pray. We only have prayers...nothing but prayers. Only God knows what's best. Its hard to control the emotions. Every time we're with daddy, we have to stop crying and show him that we're happy and smiling. We cannot cry in front of him...if we do, it will surely break his heart and this might affect his condition and we do not want that to happen.November 15 (Tuesday). Around 3 a.m. Daddy woke up and he went straight to the rest room then back to his bed to sleep. Then 6 a.m., time for his feeding, my sister is trying to wake him up but he is not opening his eyes. He's also not moving but they checked his blood pressure and pulse, they're okay, just normal. But still, he's not waking up. My sister called our uncle and aunts, so that they can rush him to the hospital. I was on my way home from work at that time and I didn't know what was happening. While driving I received a call from my sister asking me where I was but when I asked her why she is asking she didn't say anything. She said she's just asking then hung up. I know something was wrong so I hurried to go home. When I arrived, my mom and my sister were still waiting for my uncle to arrive. We tried to wake him up again but still same result, then we decided to just bring him to the hospital and we didn't wait for my uncle. Me, Mommy and Ann Ann with the help of our two house helper, we carried our dad to the car.When we arrived at the hospital, the doctors on duty wants to put some tubes in his throat and they were planning to put a hole in his throat, we asked them if it will help daddy but they said it will only clear if there are phlegm. We also called his doctor from Manila and asked him if that is the best thing to do, because we really do not want my see my dad with tubes and will not even help him. And he said that this will no longer help daddy, we will just make him suffer more, the doctor told us that all we need to do is to pray, that if this is the time that God is taking him, just surrender to his will. And we did.....I was so greatest fear has finally come...losing a father. It's really devastating. I just can't believe what has just happened...the night before I left I was just talking with him, and I slept beside him...then now...this...I'm about to lose him. The doctor said that most probably he only have 24 to 48 hours to live....the pain that we felt is so deep...words cannot describe and express the hurt that we are feeling.
Around 7 in the evening, me and mommy went home to get some pajamas for daddy and other things since we will be staying at the hospital. While we were packing our things, I received a text message from my friends saying that daddy is finally awake. I immediately called my sister and she said that he is awake...Me and Mommy were so happy that we immediately went back at the hospital to see him.
The next morning the doctor was also surprised to see my daddy --that he was finally awake. The doctor advised us to just bring him home since he's already fine. So we took him home. After what happened we noticed that his left hand and left legs were weak already. When he stands, we need to hold him to support him, we would usually put his arms around my shoulder, on the other side, my sister. We would have to walk slowly and my mother would hold his legs so that he wouldn't trip. Although he is weak, he still wants to stand and walk. The following morning, mommy and daddy were talking and my mom asked him if he knows what happened last Tuesday...he said that he didn't know that he was sleeping that long, he said that it was like he was traveling and he said that he was very tired. He said that it was like riding an airplane, all he can see is white and there are no other people. Then mommy told him that next time, if he's going to travel he have to tell her first. It was a miracle, our prayers were answered, God gave us another chance to be with our dad.
November 25 (Friday) After work I went straight home with Ann because we were planning to go to SSS to apply for an ID later that morning. When we arrived, I stayed in his room with Mommy and Ann, we were just talking. Around 8:00 a.m. Me and mommy bathe him and changed his pajamas. Before we left, I even told my dad that I will be coming home late since I will have to go to SSS with Ann and he even nodded. Same with my mom, she told my dad that she will go and open the shop, then he nodded. He was okay when he left him. 9 a.m. - My sister changed his shirt again because he was sweating. Then she cleaned his wound, my sister is the one who always do the dressing...well, that's because she's not afraid of blood, unlike me (I remembered when I first saw him bleed, I almost fainted!), my sister is the tougher one. After cleaning and dressing, helped my dad to lie down to take a rest. Then daddy closed his eyes, in a few seconds, he just stopped breathing......My sister immediately checked the pulse and his heartbeat....She can hear daddy's heartbeat beating slowly and slowly until it stopped.......Sheela, immediately called me and mommy told us to come home immediately. I was in the middle of the line securing an SSS ID when I received the call, my sister told me that daddy stopped breathing...I immediately went back home then I called my uncle to have him pick up my mom from the shop but they did not tell her yet....she only knew what happened when my sister called her greatest fear has finally come...losing him. When we arrived home, I was still hoping that daddy will suddenly open his eyes...but no...he was I stare at him...I can feel that he is at peace. It seems like he was just sleeping...I knew that this day would come but I didn't expect it to be this quick. My world came crashing down..... It's difficult to accept losing someone very dear to our lives....but we need to move on. I know this is the best for him. God is good. He didn't want my dad to suffer anymore. He is in a better place now. He is our angel and I know he is watching over us. He will always be in our hearts.
~ Those who are dearest to us never really leave....they live on in the way they cared, loved and made us happy. ~
God keeps his promise and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.Written by mhicollyn Blog about this entry

This entry has 1 comments: (Add your own)
#1 Comment from mhiarc 12/19/05 7:33 AM Permalink
My heart goes out to you and to your family. God always takes the good ones :) He is now with the Creator... and remember you have us.. youf friends.

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